This topic came to me because of the recent arrest of Dallas Cowboy's wide receiver Dez Bryant's arrest for domestic violence against his mother. In a random play list the song "Still Got Love For You" by Beanie Sigel with a feature from Jay-z came on and I had to listen to these guys pretty much tell their absentee fathers to suck it up if they were salty over a previous song where they talked about not having them in their lives. All I could do was think about the differing ways these guys treat their two parents. Going back to Dez Bryant who has a long history and a messed up story about his life growing up, I have to wonder if maybe she hadn't been asking for this for a while.
Let me explain, I'm not saying that Dez should just beat on his mother or any other woman but what if she was putting him and his career in a compromising situation? Could you understand it? Any other person in the world who does such would be a license to put a foot in their ass, yet their is still a stigma attached to maybe pointing out the flaws of the female parent which led to the struggles so many urban athletes, artists, and celebrities can claim as their back stories. Go listen to "All I Got is You", by Ghostface. He raps about living with a bunch of people in an apartment and having to use food stamps, newspaper for toilet paper, and borrow food from neighbors. Now I'm not saying it's all his mother's fault, but she has to be culpable in some manner for the situation.
Remember the reaction to Eminem going in on his mother? The black community all were talking about how 'we just don't do that' to our mothers. How about maybe thats what we need to do if they put our backs against the wall. (let me state this when I say our I mean in general, not myself specifically because I was never in that kind of position so please if you feel otherwise leave a comment explaining that below) But the idea of unconditional love and not letting people know their role in why something is screwed up and/or unhealthy is an issue. This is part of the reason the cycle has continued for so long because when it comes time to confront everyone with this, it becomes selective, with the women getting a pass the majority of the time.
Let's stop and talk about the relationship between most rappers and their fathers. For the most part, it is fractured and often non-existent. For that reason, women are left as the sole providers and care givers. It is admirable and noble in most senses. For not being around, the male parents are often called out, and treated as less than men for ducking out. There are plenty of examples one of the better of which is "Where have you been" featuring Beanie Sigel and Jay-z from the dynasty album as well as "Still Got Love for you" from the following Beanie Sigel album. At any point, fathers are called out for their lack of involvement. Hell, Nas can even admit his own faults as a parent on "Daughters" yet it is still a taboo subject for black men to tell the truth about their mothers.
To sum this up, I'm not knocking someone because they had to struggle and try to take care of their family, however if someone is repeatedly making the mistakes to put themselves and their family at risk, it needs to be said. This isn't to try and cover up the past but in hip-hop the idea is to express and talk to one another in order to make changes. People need to know it's alright to recognize that negativity and that those feelings exist so they can work towards correcting them. It's also important for other mothers who may not be the best to possibly look at themselves and understand they are going to be held responsible for their actions at some point in the future.